Keep Your Private Jet: I Want the Chinatown Bus

You have have heard me talk about it and you may have experienced it for yourself.

I'm talking about The Chinatown Bus. Available from D.C., Baltimore, Philadelphia, New York and Boston; it is the best way to travel up and down the east coast. Here are the top three ways you know you are on the Chinatown Bus:

1. You weren't actually planning to leave New York but a screaming lady with tickets took your money and told you to get on the bus.
2. The little old man sitting next to you is yelling in Chinese.
3. The driver is going 90 mph and two of the tires are on the grass of the shoulder.

Every time I catch the bus from Baltimore to New York it is a new adventure. And every time I am reminded why I love it. I have seen little old men fly down the aisle, pieces of the bus fall on people's heads, Pakistani men yell at people because they stink and I have seen people sprinting after the bus in a rest stop, almost stranded in the middle of New Jersey. The best part though, is knowing that any time of day or night you can decide to go to New York, get there for $20 and get there in less time than you ever thought possible.

Three days ago I decided to go to New York, and within an hour I was on my way to the big apple. When I got there I met up with my good friend James Harrison, and then with my uncle. That night my uncle and I took a 3 hour bike ride around Brooklyn, over the Brooklyn Bridge, through Manhattan and back to his apartment.

The next morning I got up and rode the subway Uptown. My original plan was to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, but it was super nice out so I walked through Central Park and got hooked. I walked about 100 blocks downtown. It was awesome! I saw basically the whole island and then met up with some friends, walked some more and found some really cool thrift stores. later that night I met up with James again and we went down to Little Italy and found a great restaurant.

As we were walking to the restaurant, we passed these 3 huge guys standing in a doorway. As we got closer, the one talking lowered his voice but as we passed we heard, "and then we can beat his fuckin' brains in." It was pretty intense...While we were eating there was loud music playing across the street and we are pretty sure that it was just there to cover the screams of the guy getting tortured in the basement.

Later we went into the "Virgin" store and I am pretty sure that they had every DVD ever made. James almost bought the complete Indiana Jones set. And it seems like every movie that I wanted to buy was only $10. It was almost as intense as little Italy.

Now back to the bus. This morning I helped my friend Jacki Arnold move out of her dorm and I planned to ride home with her. But there wasn't enough space in the car so I got on the bus! [I was secretly hoping all along that there would be no room.]

On the way back we stopped to get gas and the driver wouldn't open to door to let us out. [In Chinatown; time is money] But this African woman really wanted to get out and use the real bathroom. But he refused to let her out. It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. She banged and banged on the window but he just ignored her. And as he got on she tried to get out but he shut the door behind himself and we got back on the road. Later when there was traffic the driver must have thought he was in a BMW...The New Jersey turnpike was packed, but he drove up the shoulder, forced his way into the line, got back on the shoulder and then forced his way back in line. It was ridiculous. At one point he was actually driving halfway on the grass.

It was a great adventure.